Monday 17 August 2015

Night Night Mummy.

I am ecstatic to write this post, it feels like it's been a long time coming. I'm so pleased that I finally can. 

Since about 5 months pregnant I've not been able to put my son to bed. He hasn't wanted me to and it hurt. It hurt alot. All he wanted was Daddy at bed time. It started all of sudden. We couldn't really understand why, even though Alfie has always preferred a 'Daddy' bedtime he would let me do it a couple of times during the week. I'd always be present for bedtime and help get him in his 'jamas and help brush his teeth, but when it came to the crunch he would push me away and say he wanted Daddy to put him to bed. 

We spent days racking our brains what could it be. Was it a phase? Did he not like me? Was he just being difficult? We came to the conclusion that it was pregnancy and bump that was causing the problem. Up till the point of me actually showing he'd been fine, but once I'd started to develop a bump it was difficult for him and me to get comfy and he would often slip off my lap if we tried to cuddle. I'm almost certain he could sense things were different and things were going to be changing, but obviously Daddy was staying the same. There were of course occasions where I did have to put Alfie to bed on my own and it was slightly easier without my husband being in the house but it did still result in a battle which wasn't great heavily pregnant! Often it would end up with us both in tears before he would eventually tire, realising that Daddy wasn't miraculously going to appear.

This continued throughout my pregnancy, as I got bigger I would have found difficult putting him into bed anyway but that's not the point. I started to feel quite rejected, upset and useless. This was all amplified by me being a pregnant, hormonal mess! I'm his Mummy, he's not supposed to not want me, is he? I became quite despondent that this is just the way it's going to be now, but my husband thought it would improve with time. Pfffttt I didn't believe him.

Once Elarna arrived the bedtime saga continued with Alfie not wanting me to put him to bed. We did try a few things to try and get him used to me putting him to bed, because lets face it I'm going to have to do it on my own at some point! We tried me reading to him with Daddy in the room and then leaving (didn't work, he called out for Daddy), we tried Mummy getting Alfie dressed for bed on my own while Daddy was downstairs (didn't work, he's not stupid) and we tried me staying in the room while Daddy put him to bed but then I got told to go away! I genuinely thought that this was going to carry on forever.

Then something happened. I have no idea what but one evening, after I'd put Elarna to bed I went to say goodnight to Alfie and he wanted me to read to him. He actually said 'Mummy, read', I cannot tell you how much my heart jumped out of my chest, I was a little anxious that he would want Daddy after I'd read to him but was absolutely over the moon that we'd made a little step in the right direction.

So we sat, cuddled up on the sofa in his room and I read to him. I probably read about 4 books that night, I couldn't care I was cherishing the moment that may just have been a one off. We finished reading and we cuddled some more, Daddy slipped out of the room and Alfie didn't notice (result!). Alfie then wanted to go to bed, so took himself off the sofa and walked to his bed. He then wanted me to talk about the zoo, so we chatted about that for a bit and he wasn't quite asleep so on a whim I decided to make up a story. I had no idea where to start but it all began with Morris the Mouse and Freddy the Frog. I had no idea where this story was going to go but I let my imagination set the scene and after a few minutes Alfie was ready to sleep. I felt like I had achieved something huge tonight, a massive hurdle that was successfully jumped. 

The next night we thought that we'd try a similar routine and just before bedtime Alfie was asking for Morris the Mouse and Freddy the Frog and wanted me to put him to bed again. I felt like punching the air, have we cracked this? Is this a transition into him wanting me to put him to bed again?? Well I can confirm that was also a successful bedtime, we read on the sofa, then he went to bed and I told him the next instalment of my made up story. Trouble is I had no clue where the tale was actually going so it probably made no sense but he seemed to be enjoying it that evening, so I'm going with that.

So here I am, feeling a little smug dare I say it, with three successful bedtimes under my belt. I am so chuffed that he wants me to put him to bed again, it also means that Adi can start putting Elarna to bed thus preventing her from getting too attached to me putting her to bed. 

The moment that gets me the most, just before I leave the room I get, 'night night Mummy, love you'. After so long not putting him to bed and feeling completely and utterly detached from my son, I almost feel my bond with him strengthening again. 

I love you son. 

I need some help though. I have no idea where Morris the Mouse and Freddy the Frog are heading to and what they're going to get up to. Can you help? So far they have crossed the river, eaten chocolate and doughnuts and gone to glittering, silver castle surrounded by orange, purple and yellow dragons. They have met the Prince and Princess and slept in beds made from sweets.......currently they are both asleep but where does the story go from here???




  1. Aww what a lovely idea for a bedtime routine. Hope it carries on working.

  2. hope it carrys on as its always a special time . I still have memories of mine at bedtime and they are all grown now with their own children lol

  3. Reading is a big part of bedtime here. It relaxes them and really helps get them off to bed. The only problem here is the eldest likes new books all the time so our bedtime routine costs me a fortune lol

  4. What a lovely post, your delight just jumps from the page :) We're huge fans of reading and bedtime stories here too, though I do love you telling your own story, Morris the Mouse and Freddy the Frog are having some wonderful adventures. Have they been to the beach yet and shared ice cream with Percy the Pigeon or searched for the gold at the end of a rainbow......;-) #mummymonday

  5. Aww hun so pleased for you that this seems to have resolved. I remember you saying how hard it was. I have made up stories for the gremlin and usually she and a fairy go on some random adventure to save the world and meet creatures on the way. It's hard to keep it up though! xx #maternitymondays

  6. Ah bless hon I am so pleased he has come through this phase. We've been through similar with Monkey both ways actually where he has wanted me or wanted Daddy and it is so so hard but thankfully he always comes out of it himself xx thanks for linking with #MaternityMondays

  7. Aww what a lovely read. You have a great bond and you see that in the photos. I am so happy for you that he has come through this little phase and now wants you! Made up stories are the best though, arent they?! Thanks for sharing! Suz x

  8. So pleased bedtime has come full circle, we all need to be needed and have that connection. #MagicMoments

  9. Ahh, bless you all. It's so difficult when they reject anything about us isn't it, i find it hard to remember that it is just a phase. I'm so glad that things seem to be evening out for you! #TwinklyTuesdays

  10. Ahhh, that's such a lovely post. A real indication of how little things, which we can't really identify and our children can't articulate have an impact on our kids. We all needs degrees in child psychology and cognitive development! Thank you for sharing and I hope the cuddles and bedtime stories continue. X

  11. Aah bless you! I went through this with one of my twins last year. He didn't want me at all!! He couldn't speak at the time but if he could, he would have said 'NO — NOT YOU!!! Daddy!!!' As that's what his body language said!! And then just like that, that phase was over... weird isn't it? So glad the phase is over for you now too. It's SO upsetting!!! :) Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x

    Caro |

  12. SNAP. This happened to me when I was pregnant too. I wish your post had been around them to comfort me (as it would have). It was so upsetting and incredibly hard not to take it personally. It seems a distant memory now (about 8 months ago) but reading your post brought it all back. My eldest is now more than happy with my bedtimes. Thanks for sharing.

  13. I'm so pleased that things have improved for you. We have the same situation here except my 2 year old only wants me at bedtime or if he wakes in the night...which was OK until a week ago when his little brother arrived on the scene. We've had a couple of very long, tear filled bedtimes this week (from him and me - it's awful having to listen to him crying 'mummy, mummy, mummy') when I was having to feed the baby so Daddy had to put Toby to bed and he wasn't very happy about it. But, we've had a couple of bedtimes that haven't been too bad so hopefully he will start to realise that I can't always be there and that Daddy cuddles are just as good.
    As for your story...could they go on an adventure to find a lost...umm...treasure?? Sorry, I'm a bit rubbish when it comes to making up stories too! #MaternityMondays

  14. Glad you got your special bedtimes back! #magicmoments


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