Today, I was the Mum who wanted to cry. I was the frazzled Mum, the stressed Mum, the irritable Mum.
I was the Mum who was struggling with her child in the supermarket. The Mum that was avoiding the passing glances of people as I tried to calmly negotiate with my son but in the end pretty much dragged him out of the shops..
I am the Mum who tried not to give up. I am the Mum who eventually did. I was the Mum who kept repeating the word no. I was the Mum that kept saying 'please stop doing that'. I was the Mum who tried to bribe her child to behave just to get some jobs done. Yes that was me. It didn't work.
I was the Mum who wanted to shout, wanted to scream, wanted to pull my hair out in frustration. I was the Mum wondering what I'd done wrong. I was the Mum who felt like a failure. I was the Mum hating on myself for the rest of the day.
Saturday didn't start that well. I woke up grumpy, Alfie seemingly knew this and was pressing my buttons. I knew I had to get some jobs done and as hubby is exam marking I needed to keep both kids occupied and take them with me. I suspect Alfie was feeding of me and my grumps even though I was trying not to make it too obvious, but the day was hard. It all seemed such a mission, Alfie didn't want to listen or do as he was told. We battled for quite alot of the day..... Alfie do this please.....NO, Alfie would you like snacks? NO....... Alfie we need to go out put your shoes on.......NO. This was pretty much the day. I guess the afternoon was doomed from the start but I persevered and took him and Elarna out to the local shopping precinct. He was ok in the car, we chatted and I even promised him a kinder egg if he was a good boy. I kept explaining that we needed to get something for Daddy and Grandad for fathers day as this is the only chance we would get we needed to get it done quickly. He was good with this but when we actually made it to the shops we managed one shop. ONE SHOP. Alfie then decided that he just wasn't up for it, he really just did not want to continue and instead wanted to do his own thing. Even bargaining with him didn't work, he quite simply just didn't want to be with me. I can't tell you how stressed this made me feel, I was trying to be quick but when you have a child having a meltdown and wailing this makes things extremely difficult. Even after some very intense discussion with Alfie and with the threat of his cement mixer been confiscated he continued to act up. In the end I ended up frog marching him out of the shopping centre and taking him home with 2 out of the 6 things ticked off my list. As I march out of the shopping centre I averted my gaze from all the other shoppers, embarrassed that I'm half dragging my four year old child out. What they don't see is me blinking back the tears wondering where it all went so wrong today.
You see I was the Mum that probably was in the wrong. I was the Mum that should have realised that it was a mistake to go out. I was the Mum that should have snapped out of the grump. I was the Mum that needed a hug. I was the Mum who had a crap day. I was the Mum who eventually realised the error of my ways. I was the Mum who spent the rest of the day feeling like shit. I was the Mum who eventually realised that I was being a bit hard on myself. I was the Mum who gave extra cuddles the day after. I was the Mum who knows parenting is tough. I was the Mum who woke up in a better mood the next day! I was the Mum that picked myself and told myself that it was just a bad, bad day.