Monday 13 June 2016

I was the Mum.....

Today, I was the Mum who wanted to cry. I was the frazzled Mum, the stressed Mum, the irritable Mum. 

I was the Mum who was struggling with her child in the supermarket. The Mum that was avoiding the passing glances of people as I tried to calmly negotiate with my son but in the end pretty much dragged him out of the shops.. 

I am the Mum who tried not to give up. I am the Mum who eventually did. I was the Mum who kept repeating the word no. I was the Mum that kept saying 'please stop doing that'. I was the Mum who tried to bribe her child to behave just to get some jobs done. Yes that was me. It didn't work.

I was the Mum who wanted to shout, wanted to scream, wanted to pull my hair out in frustration. I was the Mum wondering what I'd done wrong. I was the Mum who felt like a failure. I was the Mum hating on myself for the rest of the day.


Saturday didn't start that well. I woke up grumpy, Alfie seemingly knew this and was pressing my buttons. I knew I had to get some jobs done and as hubby is exam marking I needed to keep both kids occupied and take them with me. I suspect Alfie was feeding of me and my grumps even though I was trying not to make it too obvious, but the day was hard. It all seemed such a mission, Alfie didn't want to listen or do as he was told. We battled for quite alot of the day..... Alfie do this please.....NO, Alfie would you like snacks? NO....... Alfie we need to go out put your shoes on.......NO. This was pretty much the day. I guess the afternoon was doomed from the start but I persevered and took him and Elarna out to the local shopping precinct. He was ok in the car, we chatted and I even promised him a kinder egg if he was a good boy. I kept explaining that we needed to get something for Daddy and Grandad for fathers day as this is the only chance we would get we needed to get it done quickly. He was good with this but when we actually made it to the shops we managed one shop. ONE SHOP. Alfie then decided that he just wasn't up for it, he really just did not want to continue and instead wanted to do his own thing. Even bargaining with him didn't work, he quite simply just didn't want to be with me.  I can't tell you how stressed this made me feel, I was trying to  be quick but when you have a child having a meltdown and wailing this makes things extremely difficult. Even after some very intense discussion with Alfie  and with the threat of his cement mixer been confiscated he continued to act up. In the end I ended up frog marching him out of the shopping centre and taking him home with 2 out of the 6 things ticked off my list. As I march out of the shopping centre I averted my gaze from all the other shoppers, embarrassed that I'm half dragging my four year old child out. What they don't see is me blinking back the tears wondering where it all went so wrong today. 

You see I was the Mum that probably was in the wrong. I was the Mum that should have realised that it was a mistake to go out. I was the Mum that should have snapped out of the grump. I was the Mum that needed a hug. I was the Mum who had a crap day. I was the Mum who eventually realised the error of my ways. I was the Mum who spent the rest of the day feeling like shit. I was the Mum who eventually realised that I was being a bit hard on myself. I was the Mum who gave extra cuddles the day after. I was the Mum who knows parenting is tough. I was the Mum who woke up in a better mood the next day! I was the Mum that picked myself and told myself that it was just a bad, bad day. 

36 comments:

  1. Aww lovely, we've all been there. There are just some days that are like that. We seem to be having quite a few of them with our little lady lately and it is SO hard. Well done for picking yourself up at the end of the day and realising that sometimes it is just like that and by no means a reflection on you as a mum. Thanks for sharing such an honest post of #MarvMondays. Emily

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  2. I've been that Mum as well! But it doesn't matter because we are not perfect and through us our children learn that life is not perfect either. The important thing is that your love for your children shines through every word of this post and is felt by your kids - even on a bad day. XX #MarvMondays

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  3. Aww we all have days like that, where no matter what we do, nothing seems to go to plan. I'm glad that you woke up in a better mood the next day :-) #marvmondays

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  4. I'm so glad you stopped being hard on yourself by the end of your post. You were actually making me quite emotional reading the post. I'm the mum that would've given the hug and told you not to worry when the little scamps turn on rascal mode.:) it sucks when you have a bad day and the staring is awful but as you say parenting is tough and it's just a bad day #marvmondays

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  5. I've been this mum a lot recently Helen, and I am so glad to read this - it is just a bad patch and I do need to pick myself up to give extra cuddle #MarvMondays

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  6. I think we've all had days like that, I know I certainly have. We recently had a lovely meltdown in the middle of the supermarket, and no matter where I moved to whilst trying to calm a screaming toddler down I seemed to be in someone elses way, which caused me to get angry as well. I left the shop with a screaming child and my shopping abandoned down an aisle. At least the next day was better.

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  7. Ohhh Helen! If I'd seen you I would've totally given you a hug! Dexter has been acting up quite a bit this last week or so and even Liam is finding it hard when he gets in from work. We all go through it, We've all been there and had those awful days but just remember there are way more good times than bad. It never lasts long. Hope you're feeling better now xxx

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  8. Been there done that. Sometimes the days can really suck but reading your post I think you did great. You were then mum who wanted to shout, despite everything you didn't, I might have. You won at being calm against all odds and that is amazing. Xx

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  9. Oh gosh, I've been this Mum so many times. We're all trying our best and I think we just have to learn from the way we act just as much now as when we were kids! #bestandworst

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  10. I could just bloody cry. If it wasn't for AMAZING mums like you sharing how motherhood really is, I would have put Henry on eBay by now for sure. Or at least me for sure 'Faulty Mum for Sale'.

    You are the Mum that survived the day and guess what, you are allowed to be grumpy. Maybe Alfie just takes after you and you both woke up grumpy. Nothing to do with your mood or his mood, you were both just having a bad day.

    Head up sweetie, at least we have 1 day a year they say thank you #mothersyear more like. Renee @peonieandme

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  11. I feel your pain, I made the mistake of letting my toddler out of his pram in the mall the other day...tried to put him back in and he went rigid in the most bizarre shape so couldn't strap him in, he then went completely limp, slid down the pram face down onto the floor. Where he remained in this almost liquid like state! I was that mum! 😩🍷

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  12. I'm that mum VERY often. Please don't beat yourself up. Shopping with kids is a often a nightmare. And you're allowed to wake up grumpy some days xxx #bestandworst

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  13. aw, I hate it when I have a shit day! We all have them though, so don't be too hard on yourself. its easy to say we should have snapped out of it when we know we weren't in the best mood, but thats not so easy to do... We just get through it and try again tomorrow and who knows, maybe tomorrow will be a better day ;) we've all been there lovely. #bestandworst

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  14. If its any consolation this is me most days. I seem to be having more bad days than good at the moment. I took my two to town for fathers day shopping the other day and it was a nightmare. The kids ended up running around in opposit directions and I ended up extremely stressed. I managed to get some cards and I had to pop into Tesco for some milk and because I was so stressed I ended up buying some cake mix (to make a cake for fathers day) and so that is what my husband and Dad will be getting this year. A cake made by the kids and after the day I had, they should be greatful to be getting that lol

    #twinklytuesday

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  15. I'm this Mum sometimes...posts like these are always helpful to others. #bestandworst

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  16. Its amazing the way they can get under your skin sometimes. Its easy to imagine that they are doing it on purpose. Everybody has been there #bestandworst

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  17. Aw hun I have so been there - in fact I'm positive that we all have. Shopping with children is never easy but we have to try don't we? Try not to be so hard on yourself. Sometimes there is only so much that you can do and you can't always shake off the grumps. You're allowed to have emotions too - it's just frowned upon if you display them by throwing a strop on the floor of a shop, well over the age of about 10 anyway xx
    Thanks for hosting lovely x #bestandworst

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  18. I think we can all relate, and I found this post really touching, Helen. I'm glad you found a way to move past it, because as you say it was just a bad day, and for every bad day there'll hopefully be many, many good ones. #bestandworst

    Nadia - ScandiMummy x

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  19. Oh bless you Helen, you are only human, we all are. I don't mention my own blog posts in comments as I feel crass 'plugging' them but if you want to feel even better (although you've probably achieved some catharsis but writing this post anyway) go see my recent post about my 12yo. Then you'll feel like mother of the year!! #marvmondays

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  20. Awww Helen, I hate these days :( I get them too often...and they play on your mind for the rest of the week! We're all just mums doing our best, even the ones that look like they've got it all together - you're just seeing them on a good day but they all have these days too. We all do. #bestandworst xxx

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  21. Aww Helen we really have all been there and you mustn't blame yourself or beat yourself up too much about it. I remember once saying to me that 'Tomorrow is another day' - this really stays with me when I'm having a bad day and not being the best mummy - I can make up for it the following day - put the yesterday behind you and move on. Virtual hugs lovely #MarvMondays

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  22. Aww Helen we really have all been there and you mustn't blame yourself or beat yourself up too much about it. I remember once saying to me that 'Tomorrow is another day' - this really stays with me when I'm having a bad day and not being the best mummy - I can make up for it the following day - put the yesterday behind you and move on. Virtual hugs lovely #MarvMondays

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  23. Aww Helen we really have all been there and you mustn't blame yourself or beat yourself up too much about it. I remember once saying to me that 'Tomorrow is another day' - this really stays with me when I'm having a bad day and not being the best mummy - I can make up for it the following day - put the yesterday behind you and move on. Virtual hugs lovely #MarvMondays

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  24. We always make it our fault that the end (I should have known he was tired, I should have been more patient, etc etc) but hindsight is 20/20 and in the heat of the moment when you just want a moment to get something done it is not always that clear! I have many days like this. Sometimes I catch them early, other times I put the kids to bed apologizing and promising tomorrow will be better. I think that's just the way it goes sometimes!! #BestAndWorst

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  25. Oh I know that this could happen to anyone of us mothers out there.#marvmondays

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  26. Sounds like a very bad day! It's so interesting how they feed off our mood isn't it! #bestandworst

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  27. So sorry you had a rough day.. can totally relate as both Sunday and Monday my kids reduced me to tears with feelings of frustration and failure. Some days you just wonder why you bother and if you are really making a difference! You are, you do amazing things with your kids, but 4 brings difficulties like each age does, and I am finding so does 5... NIGHTMARE! Keep going your doing great xx #bestandworst

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  28. Ah bless you Helen, I have day's like that with Logan and I alway feel rubbish for the way I've been with him and end up smothering him in cuddles and kisses. #bestandworst

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  29. It's not just me!! I'm so sorry you had a bad day but at the same time am so glad it's not just me! It's a nice reassurance to know it's not just my kid that does this aswell. We're currently in Portugal on holiday and I won't lie, we've had days where I've been ready to pack the suitcases and rearrange the flights home but I came to realise that it's just a bad day! Sunshine, tiredness, change in routine - they've all had an impact. In all honesty, he's been amazing. Just the odd bad day! Here's to us for getting through the bad days and making the most out of the good ones! :) #BestAnd Worst

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  30. we do all have bad days, and as mums we tend to beat ourselves up, sometimes we really do just need to have a hug and know we are doing the best we can #bestandworst

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  31. Your not alone and we have all been there. These days are so hard as they just go from bad to worse and as you said our mood sets the day and sometimes that is how it happens. #bestandworst xx

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  32. Ohhhh...I was that mum a few days ago too, and many other times! Thanks for sharing...it is tough sometimes. #bestandworst

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  33. We've all been there and you're right you were too hard on yourself. Sorry you had such a bad day hon. Hugs! Xx

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  34. Oh lovely, sorry you had a tough day, we've all been there. This happens to me at least once a week, but I feel a little blinkered to it now. I'm sure no-one was judging that day and you weren't in the wrong at all, you were fraught and it's enough to make even the strongest mum snap. I hope you've had a better time since and tucked in to a big bag of chocolate buttons x Thanks for hosting #bestandworst

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  35. I'm sorry. It's spooky the way kids feed off and reflect emotions. Yesterday my cubs were fine(ish) until bedtime when they decided to get their second wind and make my 'Awesome Dad' t-shirt bitterly ironic.

    Hope you are feeling better and have had time to recover before the next onslaught!

    #BestAndWorst

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