Tuesday 24 March 2020

Covid -19 and a Nurse in Primary Care *update 3*

It's corona update time again. I am a few days late, I wanted to write, I did, but I couldn't. Thursday took it out of me, I don't even really know why, the day wasn't bad as such it just felt tough. It started with going to watch my son who is in year 3 perform his class assembly. Kids had been dropping like flies at school through illness, self isolation and I suspect parents just not wanting their kids in school. It was pretty emotional watching it, thinking that come Friday, school was going to be no more for many of the kids for quite some time. I was unsure if my children would perhaps be going back to their school as I am a key worker. Very odd vibes at the school, hearing the year 6 children say how gutted that they wouldn't be able to perform in their summer production was pretty heart breaking.

When I got back to work my telephone clinic was full, this was welcomed to be truthful as it kept me busy for the rest of the morning up until lunch. However, the phone call to the 86 year old patient to discuss their results for them to tell me they'd been unable to get any milk and was therefore just sticking to drinking boiled water broke me. How could this be happening? Why are people so selfish to be leaving our elderly and vulnerable like this it is just grossly unfair. I wanted to help them out but they assured me that they were going to go out again the morning to try and get some. We all felt so awful and very much aware that this is the reality that we are seeing at present, so much so my colleagure phoned them on Friday and offered some milk that she didn't need but thankfully they had managed to get some milk. 

I don't know why I felt so emotionally drained when I got home, stress and the worry of the unknown I guess. It's all so odd and rapidly changing at the moment, for someone who likes to be in control this is tough, anything out of my control is unnerving. As soon as I got home I couldn't really speak to the kids, I said hello and ran a bath and then I cried. I cried so much, I couldn't stop, the tears just kept coming, it was so unlike me. I felt so exhausted despite not having 'done' much. My husband didn't get it, I didn't really, my brain is confused. Everything just not how it should be. The kids, none the wiser just that the 'stupid corona' in my 7 year olds words is a pain and needs to go away - yes son it really does. 

My shopping was then delivered. I normally order on Wednesday for delivery on a Thursday but this order I had to do on the previous Saturday night due to the unprcendented increase in online shopping - great, thanks UK hoarders. Not ideal when you are relying on this to feed your family for the week. When it arrived it was barely worth it, I got about 25% of the stuff I had ordered, most was unavailable or subbed, I had no milk, bread, frozen stuff, meat etc, etc. To make matters worse they had subbed my prosecco for bucks fizz, pretty sure the Sainsbury's driver thought I was slightly insane when I told him he take that f*c*ing thing back, I was saying it in a jovial way but my eyes were slightly crazy ! My poor husband kept apolgising or me saying I was a Nurse and I'd had a bad day...... bless him. I couldn't eat, I just felt so down in the dumps, my husband made me have some toast but it was like eating cardborad to be honest. He tried to lift my spirits but I went to bed feeling incredibly deflated and depressed about everything. I then was woken in the middle of the night by my youngest, not really sure she woke up but I put her back into her bed and then I couldn't really get back to sleep, too much running around my mind!

Friday I tried to get out of my funk and focus on some positive things. This was slightly marred by the fact I had to sort out the kids schooling for the forseeable and arrange that with the school as I am a key worker. So I plod on. We all plod on because at present it's all we can do, we will as a nation get through this it just is going to be pretty sucky for a while. 

Stay safe and keep well all, I will be back with another update soon.

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