Friday, 19 May 2017

The Desire for Baby Number 3.

My ovaries are twitching. I am broody. My heart tells me I would like a 3rd baby and yet my head can't fully decide. My husband says a resounding no. It's quite hard to digest really. My body is telling me that I'm fertile and able to bear another child but yet I vividly remember after labouring with Elarna declaring that I would never have another (I blame the drugs) so why do I feel like I'm not quite done yet. 




I'm age 33, I'm hardly old and feel that there is still place in my heart and home for another child. I can't quite get my head around never being pregnant again, never going through labour and never holding a newborn against my chest. I almost feel like I've forgotten what it feels like to nurture and mother a newborn.  My timehop keeps reminding just how little my 2 were when they were born, well I say little they were 7lbs but it's so easy to forget how small they feel in your arms.


Excuse the candid shot!

Being female is a funny thing. Hormones play havoc with you. I often find myself wondering what having a 3rd would be like. I regularly hear people say that a 3rd just slots right in and doesn't make much difference than transitioning from 1 child to 2. I wonder what a 3rd labour would be like, would we have a boy or a girl and how Elarna would feel about being a big sister, would Alfie like being the eldest? I don't know if it stems from being an only child wanting my children to have siblings, I was never really lonely growing up, my parents always encouraged me to socialise and get out and about and I always had a good group of friends so I do wonder why I am thinking about a 3rd.  I knew I always wanted more than one child and if I'm being honest I always thought that 2 would be it for me, lots of people have called me lucky as I have 1 of each, and of course I am but having both a girl and a boy was never something I had planned, lets face it was a 50% chance of one or the other. I always thought I wasn't overly maternal but perhaps I am, I find being a Mum both incredibly tough but highly rewarding. There are days when I categorically don't want to add a 3rd to the brood but then other days I would. You see where my head is right now?!




It is a difficult situation to be in, as I said about my husband is really not keen. He is 1 of 3 and was the youngest sibling so perhaps from his experience 3 isn't the magic number. He also wants us to get a bit more of our life back and not have to pay childcare for years and years and I can totally see that. I really can and completely get it but still......I don't feel 'done' yet. I do moan at times.........I think every parent does. Having children is restrictive, there is no denying it, life is by no means what it used to be. I also admit, I moaned throughout my pregnancy, of course I felt blessed but I was uncomfortable, my pelvis ached, I couldn't sleep, I remember well the horrific nausea and dizziness I suffered and the fact I could barely eat due to acid reflux. I remember labour being awful, I haven't forgotten these things yet the desire for a 3rd is there. It's just there, in my mind eating away at me. How does one tell their ovaries that they are redundant, they are done....bye bye....... and no longer a use is required. It's not quite as simple as that though is it, my body tells me one thing, my husband says another and my head......well my head is all over the place. I'm not talking about having a 3rd imminently, but in 6 months or even a years time I feel it would be a good time to consider it. Alfie is older and more aware of things and pretty independent. Elarna is reaching the age that Alfie was when we had her and she loves her dollies and babies so I think she would love to be a big sister.

Am I being selfish? Perhaps I AM being selfish? I have no idea. I have 2 beautiful children, 1 of each is incredibly lucky as I'm often told so maybe I am just being a selfish cow in this desire to add to my family. You tell me.......Perhaps I should get a flipping puppy?? Maybe that is the answer. It isn't though is it. A puppy would maybe simpler mind you. Still wouldn't stop me wanting a 3rd baby though. 

What are your thoughts? Am I being selfish or just normal thoughts of a 33 year old woman?

27 comments:

  1. I get you totally. I was exactly the same - eventually deciding to go for it with number 3. He's here now and my ovaries are definitely done, and I could never say that after my daughter. I wish you lots of luck making your decision X

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  2. I get you totally. I was exactly the same - eventually deciding to go for it with number 3. He's here now and my ovaries are definitely done, and I could never say that after my daughter. I wish you lots of luck making your decision X

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  3. This is me but in relation to my 4th! I want another baby and feel heartbroken that my partner doesn't want any more. It isn't the kind of thing you can negotiate, is it?! Part of me feels guilty that I have 3 gorgeous children but still want more when some women really struggle to have even 1 child. #thatfridaylinky

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  4. totally normal thoughts,....i feel totally the same at the age of 33. A lot of my friends know whether they definitely want more or not, what about us stuck in the mind boggling middle!?! . I have 2, yet i cant stop this longing feeling for another! The worry if we don't will we regret it in years to come, or will this broody feeling gradually go?! I worry i'd be pushing my luck after 2 c sections (& large blood loss after the 2nd one) so i try and talk myself out of it, thinking of all the negatives,.... but nope this feeling hasn't gone yet (& its been over 4 years of undecidedness lol!!) Xx

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  5. My husband was the third child and that's how I persuaded him-if his parents hadn't had 3, he wouldn't be here. Maybe try that. Oh and use the 'you never regret the children you have, only the children you don't line' good luck x

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  6. It's such a tough one, deciding to be done. I'm jealous of women and couples who just know that they're finished. I'm due my 3rd in a few weeks, and we'd always agreed that this would be our last baby. My husband is still very much of that mindset. Me? I'm starting to think I'm not so sure. And I know that's setting me up for heartache!
    I hope you find your answer! #ThatFridayLinky

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  7. Wow! Your post echos exactly where i am at too! Turning 35 in August with a boy 6.5 years and a girl 2 next month! Suddenly find myself so broody again!.... conflict!!

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  8. Wow! Your post echos exactly where i am at too! Turning 35 in August with a boy 6.5 years and a girl 2 next month! Suddenly find myself so broody again!.... conflict!!

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  9. Wow! Your post echos exactly where i am at too! Turning 35 in August with a boy 6.5 years and a girl 2 next month! Suddenly find myself so broody again!.... conflict!!

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  10. I'm in the exact same boat. I'm 33, have two, one of each and am 50 50 on a third. It terrifies me that they are growing so quick and I feel I almost need another to do all that stuff again knowing it's my last and making the most of it all. Husband says absolutely no and I have back issues so it would be a hard pregnancy especially with school runs thrown in now too! Part of me thinks that worrying about regretting not having one, or forgetting what it feels like aren't good enough reasons and that actually my son and hubby saying no more maybe they are right? I want one and my toddler wants a sister but we have hard days as it is and a n8ce balance of being able to sort one out each at bedtime etc. I just don't know! I guess if hubby never agrees then that's it done anyway but it's just the knowing we could and that one day I regret not doing it that kills me. We are never likely to have an 'accident' either so there isn't even the hope of that lol!

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  11. Oh and the whole 'getting our lives back' thing? That terrifies me too! This is my life xx

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  12. do it! I'm shocked by the need to be thought of as selfish. I have three and then we got three puppies. Wouldn't change a thing! #MarvMondays

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  13. Sorry for the late comment, it was a busy weekend! It's such a personal decision to make! I feel like I'm done now that we have twins, but when the time comes around us to renew our embryos, I always feel the need to keep them for 'just another year'. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

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  14. Really difficult decision I never know if I want more and I have five haha! Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

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  15. Not selfish at all! I know we're done 100% but still have fleeting moments where I think "would it be such a bad idea...?". It's not selfish at all. Thanks for linking to #marvmondays

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  16. Eek I'm like you Hun. Not there yet and some days a definite no but not sure I'm done. It's certainly not selfish...those hormones are crazy. Exciting if you do try!! Xx#bestandworst

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  17. I don't think you're being selfish at all, I think it's completely normal to feel this kind of things. I feel them too, I would like another baby but we are just not quite there yet. #BestandWorst

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  18. Me again! Thanks for hosting #bestandworst x

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  19. You have to go with what is right for you X #dreamteam

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  20. It's a tough call whatever you decide is right for you and your family. I don't think this is selfish at all - just normal! Good luck in coming to a decision

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  21. I doubt that desire will ever go away for me. Everytime someone turns three I get pregnant. Now I have four girls and the twins are three. Sure as shit I want another. HOWEVER- hubs and I saw this pattern years ago and we both got fixed- so now I can blame him and just be morose about it,

    #bestandworst

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  22. It is such a hard decision. I don't think you are being selfish.
    I keep thinking I want another but for many reasons I decide against for medical reasons.
    #bestandworst

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  23. Number three just falls into place growing up almost by themselves. I'd never put you off, though I did find triplets as my 4 5 and 6 hard, my husband was unsure about 4! #BestandWorst

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  24. noooo dont get a puppy, a dog cannot replace the desire for another child and you can't take a dog all the places you can take a child

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  25. I think you know when you're done-I know I am, and I'm only 30. IF you don't feel like you are, then you're not lol. Whether you can convince hubs that its a good idea or not is another matter!
    #bestandworst

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  26. I think it's a question that only you can answer, and a decision that you and your husband have to battle out together. I'm done at five, but I still long for more, I think some people will always be broody! #bestandworst

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  27. Totally normal. We always said we wanted 5-6 kids but over the course of 9 years we only managed two full term. Whilst I was pregnant with our youngest my husband said that would be it for him as he couldn't take any more of the heartbreak when things went wrong but in the back of my head I knew I would still want more. As it happened there were complications and the day after L was born I was advised not to have any more children as it would be too dangerous. Most women probably would have been devastated by that news but for me it actually took away the problem and after nine very long years of constantly worrying about what was happening inside my body and feeling like time was running out, I've been able to really just appreciate what we have. Without that news I know I would be in the same position, wanting another while my husband didn't. It's a decision you have to come to together though. Best of luck whatever you decide x
    #Bestandworst

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