Monday 26 September 2016

To the 2nd Time Mum......

So with my lovely friend Sarah from Run Jump Scrap ready to pop any day (come on love pop her out!) it got me thinking about how life is with 2 and how it differs from being a Mum of 1. I look back to when I was pregnant and wonder what advice and words of wisdom a 2nd time Mum would offer to me to prepare me from going from one child to two. So that leads me nicely on to this post.....if I was to share some words of wisdom (all the lols....moi wisdom?!) what would I say? Well it isn't really about what I would advise it's more reflecting on the last 18 months and offering some reassurance to those 2nd time Mums and Dads.


Well read on........

You thought one was hard work??? Two brings a whole new meaning of being busy (and I can't even imagine what more would be like). Gone are the days of sitting down and relaxing.....you may as well get used to slurping a cuppa luke warm or cold (if you can locate where you put it) and being pulled in different directions by demanding babies/children.

It's tough splitting your attention, the eldest who is much more aware of what is going on suddenly becomes a limpet and needs your undivided attention ALL of the time which can be tricky if you're trying to feed or change baby but do you know what......once the baby is sorted it's ok to give the eldest more of the attention, I remember having to do this alot with Elarna and giving Alfie lots of attention to begin with, to be honest Elarna was more than happy sitting in her bouncy chair. 



It won't be plain sailing and although there will be moments of sibling bliss there will also be moments of pure hell. One cries, the other cries, one screams the other screams, they tag team but I guess this is preparation for the teen years?? Gawd. You'll stare adoringly at these wonderful children you made and then all hell will break lose and you wonder what you're doing with your life. The jealousy, oh the jealousy was and is somewhat of a learning curve. It will happen, it is normal but it does improve.

Getting a half decent photo of them both together is practically impossible and if you try to get a family picture, well that is like a major, major mission. We still, to this day have very few pictures of all 4 of us together.  You can try and hopefully achieve but chances are one or all will be looking in the wrong direction! 


It's ok if breastfeeding doesn't work out. I lasted barely 24 hours - not because of having 2 to look after but I was exhausted and didn't want to put myself through what I did when I breastfed Alfie so I sacked it off and do you know what I did what was best for my relationship with Elarna and the mother/son relationship I'd worked so hard for with Alfie. So even if you last 24 hours don't beat yourself up about it!

Don't feel guilty if you don't leave the house in the first few days. It took me several days to be brave and venture out. After recovering from (yet another) night labour, a 2nd degree tear and learning to manage with the 2 and adjust routines accordingly, getting myself ready, Alfie and then Elarna was tricky but we got there in the end. Who cares if you don't venture out for a few days, it doesn't really matter does it?

Don't feel bad if you don't do what you set out to do in the first few weeks or so. I had loads of jobs that I wanted to do and didn't do any of them. I didn't get out walking or really go anywhere too far in the first few weeks, not half as much than I did when it was just Alfie. Controlling a hyper toddler and pushing a pram with one hand is hard on the wrist. Plus I couldn't be bothered with any extra stress!

Baby number 2 is easier they say. They kind of have to be and just slot in with life as it is. I wasn't up in the night with Elarna as much as Alfie, she was and is a good sleeper bless her. I never really felt bad about not having lots of night time snuggles, to be honest I was glad for the rest as Alfie was and still in non stop ALL day. It's ok to not feel bad if you don't wake baby up and wait for them to wake up, after all don't wake a sleeping baby!


Things do change when you have another baby. The routines that you have and what  you are used to suddenly goes out of the window and the status quo changes. It's hard to begin with, I remember my head feeling so many emotions and as I was on the brink of post natal depression after Alfie I knew I wanted things to be different with Elarna......and they were thankfully but it hasn't been without its challenges. Even now and in the future having more than 1 child poses its own stress and new experiences. I learn something new weekly and am still just finding my way in mothering 2 kids. 

So to the 2nd time Mum, things will be fine, things will be good and you will embrace motherhood once again. Keep your head up and smile!



Best of Worst

36 comments:

  1. It is hard. I found it particularly hard when I was feeding the baby but the eldest wanted me to do something (e.g. tie her shoes, get her a drink, etc) because the baby would nearly be asleep and you don't want to wake her up. But the magic of seeing a sibling friendship totally makes it all worthwhile! Good luck all you soon-to-be 2nd timers! #MarvMondays

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  2. A lovely look at the ups and downs of being a Mum for the second time. I have to sayif you go on after two it all becomes a bit of a blur, I really don't remember much when I look back at the early days with 3, 4, 5 and 6, they were just suddenly children going to school! Having a blog is a great way to ensure you don't forget the experience with time. #MarvMondays

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  3. forgot to say, popping by from #MarvMondays

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  4. Lovely post, it definitely gets easier quicker the second time around. It took me a week to find my feet but we're three months in and doing ok! 😊

    Http://babiesandbeauty.com #marvmondays

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  5. A really honest post. It's nice that you're not trying to pretend it's not difficult. But there seem to have been some lovely moments too. Also, don't blame you in the slightest for not going out for the first few days. I had a second degree tear and barely walked down our street for the first couple of weeks. And I only have one! #MarvMondays

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  6. Things will be ok as you say. It's like you know a bit more what you might be doing but there's just so much chaos and oh the lack of sleep! #marvmondays

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  7. Thanks so much for sharing this. I found things really hard going with one, and I've vowed I'll be easier on myself second time around (assuming we're lucky enough to have a second). I think the fear of having two has put me off for a long time, but I feel ready to face the challenge now! #MarvMondays

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  8. Aww! Cute baby pics! I don't have kids, so I can't really relate, but I do think it was wonderful for you to share what life is like when baby #2 comes along. I can only imagine all of the changes that they bring about! I'm glad you have found balance in your life and now know what works best for you and your two little ones and what doesn't. That's always a plus!

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  9. Ah what a lovely reassuring post. I'm still just with one child at the moment which is enough for me. But I never say never. #bestandworst

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  10. That picture is a classic!! It's so true that it really doesn't matter if things slide a bit. I have an 8 year age gap and still found dealing with 2 hard work!! Thanks Fran hosting as always #bestandworst

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  11. It definitely moves up a notch with two ay. I wasn't prepared for the jealousy! Suddenly my eldest daughter was being loud, having slight regression and pulling the baby around like she was a doll! Thankfully it calmed down after around 6 weeks when she started to smile and Mrs T realised she wouldn't be a baby forever and could interact! Great post. Huge congrats to Sarah! #bestandworst

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  12. This is important advice! We only have one at the moment and there's a sense we should have more down the line but aren't sure, but very little idea what it would be like so thanks. Good to know what you're getting into! Also, great on the feeding point. So much pressure to breastfeed but often it's really not what's best for the family.
    #bestandworst

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  13. Aww these photos are gorgeous! I think I had it very easy going from one to two as Lewis was eight when we had Eva and that made a HUGE difference. Going from two to three was the hardest for me, no question about it. Going from three to four was probably easier as when you've got three, one more is no big deal! #bestandworst

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  14. My husband and I have been talking more and more about baby no 2 and it terrifies me sometimes. Could I cope with 2 when sometimes I struggle with 1? But in the long run I know Henry needs a little sibling to terrorise and you never know, the 2nd one may like cleaning up, haha. Great post and gorgeous pics of always of Alfie and Elarna. Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst x

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  15. Evie is asking a lot about when she will have a baby sister or brother (well, shes not sure on the brother to be honest!) and she's now six I know there's going to be such a massive age gap I'm hoping things will be okay when we do decide to have one. Although doing the school run with a newborn sounds horrible...#bestworst

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  16. Lovely post! One is tough and it sounds like two is tougher, but also super rewarding #bestandworst

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  17. I'm currently pregnant with my second child and this post has terrified me haha! But I am a realist and I know that things aren't plain sailing and rainbows so it was nice to read the reality of it early on, plenty of time to get my head around things. I really do think that you have to cut ourselves a lot of slack and actually be comfortable saying you know what it is okay not to be perfect all the time. Lovely read and lovely pictures! #bestandworst

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  18. I don't know if it's because my age gap is only 21 months and Martha spent her newborn weeks being the most seriously easy baby ever, but I found the first couple of months relatively easy. Then Toby turned 2, Martha entered the dreaded 4 month sleep regression and all hell let loose! I'm really finding it tough at the moment but I know it *will* get easier again sometime!xx #bestandworst

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  19. I have twins so thing have always been crazy and hectic lol! That said at least they are always doing the same type of things at the same time, and napping on the same schedule :) x #bestandworst

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  20. Oh Helen you have summed up my life over the last three months PERFECTLY. This is so on the money and it made me laugh and smile reading it just because I could totally relate to it. I wish I'd read this three months ago! :-) Emily #bestandworst

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  21. Lovely post. A mum to twins I can certainly say that having two is hard at times, although in some ways I think twins are easier than having two of a different age. I mean they both wean at the same time, nap at the same time, eat at the same time, potty train at the same time etc! #BestandWorst

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  22. Love this post!
    I absolutely loved being a mum the 2nd time around, much more than the first if I am honest. It felt more natral, and the Muma / child routine was already set out, so the 2nd baby just kind of fits in. It's not a life changer like the first time around.
    Here's to 2nd babies!!
    big love, L
    xxx
    #bestadworst

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  23. I love your honest account of this - as a mum of one, this is pretty scary reading, but do you know what? It's reality and sometimes reality sucks!! This brings up the age old question of age gaps between kids, and when is the best time to take the plunge...I think I've realised we're not ready *just* yet. Thanks for a fab post #bestandworst

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  24. I barely had chance to get used to having one before number two came along! I did find though that getting into a routine with two happened much quicker than the first time around!

    #BestandWorst

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  25. It is tough at first with the changes of the dynamics within the family home but with time things adapt abd change to the enviroment. It is still hard work but it is lovely to see a sibling relationship grow and my boys are so close now X #bestandworst

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  26. Such a lovely post. Honest too. I think I'm still good with just the one though! #bestandworst

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  27. Thanks for the insight. Personally I feel two is rather like plate spinning. #bestandworst

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  28. It is so hard for the first few weeks isn't it - I can't really remember it much to be honest! x #bestandworst

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  29. A lovely article full of great advice. By the looks of it we have a similar gap between our children (our youngest has just turned 1 and our eldest is 2 and 3/4) so when you describe the extra work, problems organising anything, and troublesome photos I know exactly what you mean!
    Potty Adventures
    #thatfridaylinky

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  30. Back from #ThatFridayLinky just to say this is a fab post. Thanks for linking up x

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  31. The best advice I can give a mom having her second baby is don't forget to take pictures! Scrapbook! You did it with the first one, the second will wonder where all of his/her things have gone off to! I have TONS of scrapbooks for my first child, a journal about the pregnancy and a million pictures and can not find a single thing I did for child number two and they're now in sixth and third grade. Hopefully my youngest doesn't get mad when he realizes mommy completely forgot to do it!

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  32. This is a great post to write - I remember when I was having my second baby there was nothing around at all about having your second. Mine are only 18 months apart and I found it really hard, still do actually haha. I'm mostly refereeto them now!

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  33. Sorry, meant to say #BestandWorst and thanks for hosting too xx

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  34. And I'm about to be a third time mum - eek! #bestandworst

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  35. Having 2 is so much harder than 1 isn't it? Wouldn't change it for the world and it is definitely getting easier now but there has definitely been some challenging times in the last couple of years! Xx

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  36. It is so very hard to split your time between and give them quality time I have always found it difficult between five wonderful honest post Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

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