Monday 14 September 2015

Ditching the Dummies.

Alfie has used a dummy since about 10 days old. When he was born we were adamant that we weren't going to use dummies but fast forward 10 days in and our little milk hungry, boob needing, guzzle guts was draining me in more than one way. I needed to have some way of him not constantly wanting boob and I relented, I gave him a dummy and it worked. We had peace for a while and it was uh-mah-zing. 

I continued to give him dummies to relieve the comfort feeding and to help get him to sleep, trust me with Alfo we needed any help we could get. I began to not mind using dummies, I have to admit I beat myself up about it for a while feeling a bit like a failure, but that soon passed. When you're a Mum I think you just do what you feel is right and sometimes you're so desperate for sleep you'll try anything. At the time it never really crossed my mind that one day we would have to tackle taking them off him, but myself and my husband are generally of the opinion we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, no biggy.

Once Alfie turned one he started to become really quite reliant on dummies and wanted them more and more during the day, at first I didn't overly mind but when he started to have a dummy for the majority of the day I soon realised I was going to have to become a little more restrictive and tougher with his use.

Once Alfie began to talk he would often ask for his dummy, especially if he was very sleepy or poorly,  I would relent and let him have them but would try to put them out of his way when he wasn't using them.  We continued to use dummies during the day until he was just over 2, it was then that we decided he really didn't need them anymore during the day and took them out of his sight. He actually took to that amazingly well and that was one hurdle crossed, next hurdle no dummies at night, arghhhhh!

The months came and I kept finding ways to put the inevitable off, there was always an excuse! He was poorly, the time wasn't right, we moved his room so it wasn't fair to take them off him then and I was pregnant, then Elarna came along and I didn't want to unsettle him anymore than he already was. It was my husband that mentally prepared me to accept the fact that we were going to have to do it sooner rather than later. Uh oh. I was dreading it but knew he was right. 


We talked to Alfie alot about giving up his dummies, we told him that the dummy train was coming to pick them up to take them to all the new baby boys and girls, we told him that if he was a good boy and collected all of his dummies out ready for them to be collected then the dummy train might leave a present in its place. He understood what we were telling him and over a few days we repeated the story each night and got him to tell us where his dummies were going. After just a few nights we decided that we couldn't put it off any longer. We collected all of his dummies (I was amazed at how many I could find, especially considering that he only ever used the green one!), we put them in the trailer and left them outside his door ready for the dummy train to go. I was anticipating screams and floods of tears but in reality he whinged for a few minutes, had a little cry and went to sleep, I was gob smacked! The night passed with no hitch at all, in fact he had such a great sleep I had to wake him up!! 

Once awake I told him to check to see if the dummy train had left anything and lo and behold the dummy train had magically left Alfie a garbage truck (I can't tell you how much he wanted this and we'd held off from buying it until we really needed to!), his face lit up and he was absolutely delighted.......I would say the best £30 ever spent, he loves it so much.

The next night came and there was a little bit of him asking where his dummy had gone and a few tears but once again they soon stopped and he went to sleep with no issues. I'm pleased to say we have now been totally dummy free for about a month and I'm so proud of him at how well he has done. We have no issues putting him to bed, he is sleeping brilliantly and doesn't ask for them anymore. I feel like we've crossed another huge hurdle that I was dreading. 



I'm actually really glad we waited till we did to take them away, he could understand what was going to happen and we could communicate with him to reassure him that he didn't need the dummy. To be honest if he really wasn't ready I wouldn't have been overly concerned if he'd had the dummy for a few more months, we just decided that the time was right for us. David Beckham doesn't have to worry about a thing, people can be so judgemental and when I saw all the fuss that little Harper had a dummy still it angered me hugely that they were being judged as parents because of that. You do the best for your kids and if your child needs comfort from a dummy then so be it, we knew Alfie was ready and I'm sure they'll know when she is! It really wasn't worth all of the media fuss.

My advice....... prepare your child, talk to them about it and if they can see that something good is going to come out of ditching the dummies (yes I do mean bribery!) then that should make the process easier, in my opinion. I'm always such a worrier when it comes to things like this and definitely over think the situation making it out to be so much worse than it actually is. I do wish children came with a manual, ha, wouldn't it make things simpler!

How did you ditch the dummy if you used one? Was it a struggle?

Best of Worst


magic-moments

Mummascribbles

46 comments:

  1. Mine never really took to a dummy but my oldest loved a bottle. When i was pregnant with his sister o told him big brothers couldnt use a bottle. Plus he started school so timing wise it worked well. Nice post

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  2. Such a good post and a lovely idea!! I think you handled this perfectly and helped him to understand. Top Mummy points!! ;) #magicmoments

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  3. This worked out so well for you! Great idea with the garbage truck. I was thinking of getting rid of my one year old's dummy (she only has it for sleeping) because she wakes up for it during the night (too lazy to get it herself!) but maybe we should wait until we can communicate with her.

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  4. Great idea about the dummy train! We used a dummy up until 4 months - we were also those parents who would try anything for an hours' kip - nothing at all would settle her!! But to be honest we even had to force the dummy on her - it did sooth her a little bit so we persisted. But at four months we found Taylor just kept waking up, crying for it and spitting it back out again! So I just took it off her. She was so young that she didn't really notice to be honest and she soon got used to it. Had she took to it though I'm sure we would've carried on using it for months. Well done for sticking to your decision glad it worked out! #MaternityMondays

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  5. Oh I dread having to remove Jacks dummy! We was also adamant that we would never give him a dummy but we were quick to give in at wk 3. We needed some rest and it worked. Well done you xx #MagicMoments

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  6. Well done you! I dread the day we have to remove Jacks dummy. We too were adamant he would never have one, but we gave in at wk 3. Anything for a rest at the time. #MagicMoments xx

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  7. I love the dummy train, such a good idea! I'm glad it worked for you.
    I don't think people should beat their selves up about giving dummies, we tried with Aria in the early days, she just decided that she would prefer her thumb, which in a way is a bad thing because a train can't come and take her thumb away!

    #mummymonday

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  8. I felt exactly like you when my first daughter came along. She did have a dummy though but only for a couple of months and naturally grew out of it. I think we forgot to pop it in her mouth one night and that was it - no drama. Tin Box Baby however is a different kettle of fish/. We held off giving her a dummy until she was four weeks old. She is a very sucky baby and needed it to soothe herself off. I have come to rely on it quite a bit and I don;t think it's going to be easy to take it away. Your advice for doing so is great and has worked for us in so many other situations - potty training being the most recent #maternitymondays

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  9. How did we ditch the dummy? Very badly indeed. Best intentions but it all went wrong. Can still remember the screaming! http://afieldsomewhere.com/family/my-4-year-old-junkie/

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  10. We tried a Dummy with my little one but she just wouldn't take it. However at 10 weeks she found her thumb and still sucks it to go to sleep at 6 months. Hopefully she will just grow out of it one day. So glad the train idea worked for you- I really think it's very clever! I know some people have done it as Santa taking the dummy away but I really like the train.

    Azaria
    Being Mrs Lynch
    #mummymonday

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  11. It's great that you've passed the hurdle of fully taking away Alfie's Dummy, he was clearly ready to have them gone as he's done so well with the transition. The Dummy Train sounds like a great idea, plus he got a treat for giving up his dummies which always helps. Popping on over from Magic Moments.

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  12. fab post, and great idea on how to ditch them. My son is very reliant on his only for sleeping though. Unless he's ill he doesn't get it in the day time at all (except nap time). When he's old enough I'm going to try your technique on him! x

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  13. Ah so pleased you managed to get Alfie to give it up. Think I remember you telling me about this one! The gremlin is suddenly into her dummy and we have to ration her for 10 min slots! Luckily not at night or naps xx #maternitymondays

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  14. Aww! Bless him! It sounds like it went really well! The dummy fairies came for my girls dummies and left a present! We kept finding dummies around the house for months after in the strangest of places. lol

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  15. My 2.5 year old still has her dummy, We are working on her giving it up, having her leave it in her bedside draw during the day, not having it for nursery. We have decided to wait until we go on holiday in Jan and get her to give her dummies to Mickey mouse for the little babies, we have been talking about it so she will be well prepared.

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  16. I'm so relieved to read this as this is a battle we are going to have to face very soon! I'm dreading it but your post encourages me, thanks.

    #maternitymonday

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  17. Wow you did so well. And so did Alfie. Boo still has hers at night. We didn't even give baby G one haha #lessonlearnt #MaternityMondays

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  18. My daughter is 17 months and we took the dummy away during the day a few months ago. She did well with that, but lately she's been teething and having complete screaming fits when we go out, so I've started giving her it again as a last resort :/
    I do dread taking it off her, but at the moment she's not sleeping well and it seems to give her so much comfort during the night. I think waiting until she can communicate more effectively and understand, like you say, is probably the best way to do it. #maternitymondays

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  19. Well done Alfie. My eldest had a dummy because it helped with her colic and I like you didn't like them. The dummy fairy visited us when she was nearly 2 and a half and left Postman Pat toys, we then had 3 horrible nights of pleading and crying , it was heartbreaking. She took 6 weeks of settling at night before she slept through again. Needless to say our second two didn't have a dummy however they both suck their thumbs, not sure how we are going to stop that one!

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  20. I waited until the christmas before my daughters 3rd birthday in the march. We told her that santa has to take them and swap them for presents and if she was good and gave them all up she would get an extra special surprise! She never even batted an eyelid. I think you totally waited until the right time so he completely understands why and where they have gone and a little (lot) of bribery works wonders!

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  21. Both my two had dummies and I dreaded the day to take them away but both of them got ride of them themselves. I was so self contious of using a dummy but like you we NEEDED to sleep and my boobs needed a rest! #twinklytuesday xx

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  22. Congrats on being dummy free! I think you're right, it's best to either get rid of them before they get too attached or wait until they can understand. Those first few years of life are hard enough to adjust to! #bestworst

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  23. Ooooh this took me back. My eldest is 9 and the visit from the dummy fairy seems like just yesterday. Im all for a bit of bribery and corruption from time to time! Lovely read x

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  24. Sounds like to worked really well. Sometimes I think it's good to wait for things like this until your little one is ready.
    We used a dummy but took it away at 6 months as we were advised it would be easier then, before he got attached to it. It passed without a hiccup, I was more upset that our tot. Now he's very attached to his 'noo noo' (blanket) I think that will be a much harder one to do away with.

    #bestandworst

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  25. Awwwww well done Alfie - such a big boy! Enjoy that awesome truck!

    I remember it took us AGES with megs too and there was always a reason too with illness and stuff, but your right prepping, waiting til the right time and a much desired gift often works wonders! x #bestandworst

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  26. Awww, you did a fab job of getting rid of the dummies, we did a similar thing and got our kids a toy if they gave the dummies away. And what a fab truck! That is an amazing toy!

    I agree with the Harper Beckham and dummy thing, when is the right time for a child to not use a dummy anymore?! Every child and every parent is different! I find it frustrating when people start telling others how to raise their children... grrrrrrr!

    #bestandworst

    Gemma xxx

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  27. I don't envy you the task, but great idea to solve it. We were lucky in that JB didn't want a dummy, or any comforter for that matter.

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  28. We did something really similar - my daughter stopped using it in daytimes relatively early but always needed it to sleep. We did try cold turkey but it was a nightmare so waited until she was older to communicate properly - I kept putting it off too. Then it was do easy, she loved being a big girl (2!) and getting to choose a present instead. #bestandworst

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  29. You did so well. My twins are three and a half and still use dummies on occasion. I've tried a few things to get rid of them, but nothing's worked so far #bestandworst

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  30. You, (and he!), did so well. Apparently I refused to give up my dummy and my mum was at her wit's end. Then the dog ate it, and I was totally fine with it!! :D I tried to get small boy onto dummies when he was a baby, he sounds a lot like your lil man, but no joy, even when I sat and held them in....low motherhood point that! That bin lorry is freaking awesome. Thanks for hosting. #bestandworst

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  31. Sounds like it went pretty smoothly. Like you said, you know your own child and you know when they are ready to let their dummies go. Thanks for hosting #bestandworst
    Debbie

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  32. We were very lucky. Our daughter never wanted anything to do with a pacifier when she was little. Its amazing how much easier things get when they start to communicate though, isn't it?

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  33. I remember that dreaded moment of taking it away but thankfully my son didn't really seem to care we were quite lucky. Thanks for sharing #bestandworst

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  34. My youngest has never used dummies. Eldest had them & we stopped using when she was awake by 6 months, but she has kept them for sleep. We have tried to take them away a couple of times, but have ended up deciding to leave for now to see if she gives it up alone. She is a really good sleeper and self settles really well with them, & it seems a shame to disrupt her. She's not two and a half yet, and as she never uses during day, or actually once she drops it in night, we're assuming teeth and speech unlikely to be affected & maybe she can stop in her own time. #bestandworst

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  35. I was sure I would be a mum that wouldn't use a dummy, but my third child was given one out of desperation and became obsessed with it. I keep finding reasons to not take it off him, and then he seemed to get older and older and it became so hard to take it off him. After a bad fall and a loose tooth the dentist insisted we take it off him, it broke his heart, he was 4. I felt like a "bad mum" but we do what we do and we all have fond memories of how cute he was with his dummies. Usually one in his mouth and at least one in his hand. #bestandworst

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  36. We've never used dummies and I'm glad of it as they sound like a nightmare to stop using! That said, I now have a boob-loving baby who's draining more than just milk too! #bestandworst

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  37. We managed to avoid dummies with number one but who knows what number two will bring?! Will definitely remember your advice if we get a dummy lover #bestandworst

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  38. We have never used dummies for both my kids, so didn't really have this problem... but your idea of how to ditch off dummy is a good one and your little boy definitely loved his new toy now rather than his dummies. #bestandworst

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  39. Thank you for writing this post. My boy is 3 and 4 months and he still gets so much comfort from his dummy, and can't go to sleep without it. I get the looks and the comments, so I know we should be weaning him off it, but like you were, I am dreading it, and for an easy life we're just letting him have it. He's just so much calmer and happier with it. But your story gives me hope, he will want to give it up soon. I hope! Sabrina xx #twinklytuesday

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  40. Fab idea. My friend did a similar thing with her little girl and the dummy fairy. #bestandworst x

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  41. Neither of our girls had dummies. Not because I'm against them or anything, we offered our eldest one but she wasn't interested and then we never really offered one to our youngest. What a great way to get him to give it up.

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  42. What a great idea! My little girl is two and still has a dummy but we're not in any rush to get rid of it at the moment. When the time does come to get rid of it, I'm hoping she will have a bit more of an understanding so it will (hopefully) be a bit easier x

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  43. oh wow that was some collection of dummies!! ... yay to the next stage and life without them :-)
    Thanks for linking up with #MagicMoments

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  44. I am trying to work up the courage to take Thea's away... but dreading it! I'm trying to decide if we should do potty training first though! Well done it sounds like your strategy worked a treat! Becky x #BestandWorst

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  45. This is a very similar story to when we got rid of my little girl's dummies. She only had them at night and during long car journeys, and I didn't really stress about it. My cut off point was when she turned three, and that was a conscious decision as I knew I would be able to explain things to her. Some of my friends had gotten rid of their kids' dummies a lot earlier to huge trauma and stress from the kids, and it just wasn't worth it for me. From when Becky turned 2 1/2 we slowly started to explain to her that the dummy fairies would come on her third birthday, and she had time to process this and prepare, and she was actually getting quite excited about it. On the actual day, we put all the dummies in a little bowl and put it next to her bed, and overnight the dummy fairies came and left her a present - a beautiful fairy night lamp that has comforted her at night instead. She was over the moon and never asked for a dummy again. Strangely enough, my baby boy only had a dummy from 3 weeks to 5 months, and then he suddenly decided that he didn't want it, so we won't have to worry about it again. But I haven't got a problem with dummies - if they sucked on their fingers, then it would be far more difficult to break the habit, as you can't just chop off the finger! :-) Well done for dealing with it so well and ditching them successfully! #BestandWorst x

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  46. #comp
    My son had dummies until about 2 and a half. It was near Christmas time and I had ordered a big Lotso bear and when it arrived I said the man had taken his dummies and left Lotso instead and it worked.

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