Wednesday, 15 July 2015

I Don't Wanna go Nursery!!!

I have always thought that we've been quite lucky when sending Alfie to nursery. He's never been the sort to cry, shout or scream when we drop him off, yes he is occasionally clingy and wants to be cuddled but he's never really been too bad. 

He goes to nursery twice a week and my husband and I take it in turns to drop him off on a morning depending when my husband is working in London. Yesterday morning he seemed ok when I woke him up but the first thing he said to me was 'Mummy I don't wanna go nursery'. He's developed this really (and I mean really) whingy voice in the last few weeks and this morning was his full on whingy, whingy voice. Erghhhh. I immediately thought he's going to be a nightmare to get ready. Actually, on the contrary he was ok, with some chatting I helped him get dressed and we talked about the day ahead but he kept repeating 'I don't wanna go nursery Mummy', 'I not like the big boy room'.

I have to admit this took me by surprise, I've never, ever heard him say that he actually doesn't like to be in the new room at nursery. With a little bit of gentle persuasion I managed to get him downstairs from his room and let him watch a few minutes of Milkshake and gave him a little bag of Shreddies to munch on while I was putting his shoes on. While we were getting ready to leave he was whimpering and asking for cuddles. At this point I knew I was going to have to be a bit tough on him and had a feeling that the nursery drop off was not going to be great.


When I managed to get him strapped into his seat (with his bag of shreddies!) this happened. I know, I know a little bit mean of me to video it but I wanted to show my husband how he was yesterday morning. Just before I started to video (sorry for the awful quality my phone is slowly giving up on me I think) he was telling me that he didn't want to go nursery. My poor little man, I'm not really sure what's come over him, he has never, ever been like this when I've taken him. I can't emphasise just how unusual this is for him, something has clearly unsettled him.


During the short journey to nursery he was still sobbing and asking for cuddles, he kept saying 'I not like grasshopper room, I'm a caterpillar'. It was at this point I had to tell him to stop crying and be a big boy, harsh maybe but it was starting to be a little bit silly. The thing is I know that he will be absolutely fine once at nursery and busy away from home. Even though I was trying to be tough the sound of his sobbing was actually breaking my heart. 

Look at that face, poor little man :-( 
I pulled up at nursery and got Elarna out of the car and then Alfie but he was quite reluctant, he had calmed down a little but was still not his usually chirpy self. After struggling with baby and toddler we waited outside the nursery door and he kept asking for cuddles so I scooped him up (with some difficulty as I was carrying Elarna!) and gave him a big snuggle while we waited for the door to open.


We went into nursery and Alfie was clinging on to me like some sort of limpet, thankfully one of the girls called for some help who then relieved me of said limpet. He then started to sob even more and reach out for me calling 'mummy, mummy!'. Bloody hell what a nightmare this was proving to be, I quickly hung his bag and coat up and thought the best way to combat this was not to drag it out. I gave him a kiss and told him that I'd see him later and then I left. 



I sat in the car for a couple of minutes. I felt a bubble of emotion and tears pricking at my eyes. I'm not usually an overly emotional person but this morning really affected me, I've never seen him like this when I drop him off. I don't really know what's changed, I think perhaps it's because we have returned from holiday and he's been with us solidly for over 2 weeks and also he has maybe come wise to the fact that I go home with Elarna when he's in nursery.

I knew that before we had Elarna that I wanted Alfie to stay in nursery for the 2 days as he does enjoy it when he's there, it's a great stepping stone for transitioning into school and actually he's got a very sweet little group of friends that he talks about. His development has also come on leaps and bounds over the last year too. The staff are exceptional there and I always feel reassured when I pick him up and I trust him in their care. I'm hoping that this is just a phase and he'll settle back into it in the next few weeks, it does make me a little concerned about how he will be when he starts school in 2016 BUT we will cross that bridge when we come to it. 



Anyone got any advice? Did I do the right thing, is a short and sweet goodbye the best way to deal with this? This is all new to me!



Best of Worst

Mummaknows

42 comments:

  1. Aww poor Alfie. But I bet you are right and that he was fine as soon as you left. I used to work in a nursery and it was definately harder and the crying prolonged when the children's parents hung about. As soon as they left 99% of the time, the kids stopped crying immediately. Even knowing all of this and witnessing it myself many times, I still felt guilty each time I left my son at nursery crying and walked away but he was fine. And I knew he was fine because I could see him happily playing through the window :-) The nursery staff would ring you if he continued to be very unsettles so try not to worry. I bet you're sat there worrying long after he's completely forgotten all about what he was crying for in the first place ;-)
    #bestandworst

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is always fine when I pick him up which is good, I really do think it's because we'd been with him while on holiday.Thankfully it is getting better now which is reassuring. x

      Delete
  2. How difficult and upsetting for you and Alfie. Whilst I don't have experience to draw on I would say you definitely did the right thing. I am sure once he got settled his tears lessened and he started to enjoy himself. Could it be he doesn't want to leave his lovely new sister? I know you said that he wont go to bed without kissing Elarna goodnight, perhaps he just wants to be with her, rather than not liking nursery. I don't know, but I will keep my fingers crossed it wont last long and is just a phase, sorry I can't be much help.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that perhaps you're right as I take her with me when I drop him off so he probably doesn't get why he stays there and Elarna stays with me. Thanks for the comment! x

      Delete
  3. Aww bless him, I reckon it's the change from having you solid for so long after holidays combined with him just getting a bit more clingy. I hate to say it but probably another phase! It's so hard when they cry though and you have to leave them. We have had a few more "don't like nursery" and crying but like Alfie she is fine when she is there. I think persevere and it will pass!! On the plus side he wanted his Mummy!! xx #bestandworst

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha I suspect that you're right though and it is another phase! Yey to wanting me though, wahoo! x

      Delete
  4. I helped with the toddler's group at Spring Harvest one year. (It's a week long event at Butlins with children's groups in the morning and the afternoon). Some of the children fussed when they were dropped off. The ones with the parents who did what you did and left quickly soon settled. The ones with the parents who stayed and tried to settle them remained upset. Kids aren't daft and they know which buttons to push. There were children who'd toddle in happily with one parent who were screaming blue murder with another ...

    That said, I'd have cried in the car just like you did. These things are hard. Hopefully it is just a stage and he'll be okay. #bestandworst

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm thinking he will be, we have less tears now thankfully and he is always so happy when we pick him up and tells us all about his day :-) x

      Delete
  5. Oh this is sooo hard! My son used to cry every day when I left him at nursery. I'd get very upset but I learnt to make the good bye short and sweet. I'd reassure my son I was coming back later and maybe talk about something nice we'd do that evening. He'd still be sobbing but I used to call up later and check he was ok and they always said he cried for about 2 minutes then stopped! I promise you it gets easier and boys are especially clingy to their mums but they grow out of it. Good luck xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I'm the same I think dragging it out makes it worse, they soon become distracted and forget about us I'm sure! Thanks for the comment :-) x

      Delete
  6. Not sure I have any words of wisdom - my son never wanted to go to preschool although I think he was happy enough when he was there.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It's really hard isn't it? My son never really wanted to go to preschool, so I put him in the minimum number of hours, but he seemed happy enough when he was there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, it is hard but he is fine when he's there :-) x

      Delete
  8. Have you discussed this with nursery staff? If he's only become unsettled since changing rooms, maybe he is now separated from his friends, or is it possible he is being bullied? Thanks for hosting #bestandworst
    Debbie
    www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes and they reassure me that he's fine and they would tell me if something was dramatically wrong. Thanks for the comment :-) x

      Delete
  9. I think that all children go through stages and separation anxiety is one of them. I will just reassure you that it does get better, even through it can be heart breaking at the time. Mini didnt like preschool, so I didn't push it with him

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahh thanks Jen, that's good to hear, it worries me a little about him starting school but hopefully in a year he will have matured some more and will not be so nervous. X

      Delete
  10. I think they all go through it. By the sounds of things our boys are similar ages and he went through it too. He's over it now and normal service has resumed :) #famjamlinky

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Alfie is getting better now we have been back from holiday a few weeks, seems that it was just a passing phase, although I still think he'd prefer to be with me at home but he understands that he has to go to nursery. X

      Delete
  11. As hard as it is for us parents to hear, they really do forget all about us once there's something fun to do - some of the kids in my reception class create at drop off time, but they 're fine before we've finished taking the register, and off playing and having fun all day. That said, it must have been very hard for you to hear.
    I think you did absolutely the right thing. Well done for being strong x
    Alice x
    #famjamlinky

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was hard, it was the worse he's ever been. Thanks for the lovely comment X

      Delete
  12. It sounds cliche, but how did he sleep the night before? Maybe he was overtired, or maybe he just was in a mood. Its so hard to tell at that age. I would have done the same thing, btw

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's actually very true, I believe that night before he had been a little unsettled so he could well have been a tad grouchy! x

      Delete
  13. It's so horrible when this happens - thankfully my daughter does it very rarely and I think you did exactly the right thing, just what my nursery/various kids clubs I've tried recommend. With my daughter, I've even heard her stop the apparently heartbroken wails the second I'm out if sight but it still leaves me tearful. #bestandworst

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha yes exactly Alfie has done the same and just tottered off and started to play with toys! x

      Delete
  14. We have all this to come in September kinda of dreading it hopefully they will be ok it must of been pretty tough for you great post .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know I won't be looking forward to him starting school if he's like that, fingers crossed he matures alot more in the next year X

      Delete
  15. Oh no his little face would have had me in bits, but I do think you are doing the right thing x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, I have to be honest it did nearly make me want to sob! x

      Delete
  16. Oh no that is the worst feeling isn't it. But I'm sure you did the right thing - my nursery used to call me about 5 minutes after I left to let me know that my girl (they both did the same thing for a while) was absolutely fine. Maybe if yours don't call you, you could call them to put your mind at rest? I do think that if you give in they tend to play up and make it worse so and if you're confident that he really likes it there, you are doing the best for him by leaving. Also imagine how much worse it would be if he was a five year old doing that every morning before school! It's great to get them to be used to other environments and also great for you to be able to have time with your baby one on one, like you did with him. It's an awful feeling but it will pass! Becky x #bestandworst

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahh how lovely of your nursery to call you, our nursery really is so good that if he was ever distressed they would call us X

      Delete
  17. So sorry - it's really awful when that happens. Definitely ask them to call you when he stops crying the next time this happens. I bet he'll stop crying within a few minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You defintely did the right thing! Sam goes through times like this, he is going through it at the moment. Every morning he says he doesn't like nursery and doesn't want to go. Pulls on my heart strings a lot!! BUT he is always fine after I have left. Big hugs, know how hard it is #bestandworst xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad to hear that I'm not alone, it's hard to hear isn't it. Thanks for the comment X

      Delete
  19. I keep my toddler in daycare (nursery) two days a week as well. She will go back full time when I am back to work after maternity leave so I wanted to keep it in her routine. I think as soon as you leave the staff and other kids would have distracted him and he would have been fine a few minutes later. Better not to drag it out! Nothing worse than thinking your child is unhappy :( Hopefully he gets over this lil moment of not wanting to go! Really drains us mums! Thanks for linking #famjamlinky

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did the same thing, we wanted to keep the continuity and routine. It is very draining for sure! Thanks for hosting X

      Delete
  20. Aww Alfie <3 Its horrible when that happens xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know bless him! Breaks your heart doesn't it X

      Delete
  21. ah it's so tough, I remember this with Wilf and it breaks your heart xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww Wilf, what a cute name! Thanks for the comment X

      Delete

I absolutely love it when someone leaves me a comment, I will always reply back when possible! You can also follow me on twitter for more beautiful chatter: @Helsy_1983